Travelog for: Travel Ted

It's hot in the city and Travel Ted's catching some rays in the garden while he brushes up on his Italian for his next big voyage.

‘Possiamo vederci di nuovo? Conosce una buona discoteca?’

As the last of the holiday essentials are shoehorned into the suitcase, Travel Ted wonders whether anyone will notice his Abba memorabilia collection smuggled under the clothes.

After making a thorough study of the guidebooks while the humans were asleep, Travel Ted delivered a fascinating talk on the history of Lecco, beginning with the Azzone Visconti Bridge (1336), which crosses the River Adda at its junction with Lake Como.

Travel Ted was pleased with his choice of hotel. The bedroom balcony had stunning views across Lake Como. He marvelled at a firework display and gawked wide-eyed at a thunderstorm over Switzerland. 

Travel Ted’s last day in Italy was very very very exciting as he got to go on lots of different types of transport. He travelled by car, by boat, on three trains, four buses (one of them bendy), a funicular (twice) and a plane. He felt quite tired out by the end of it all.

Every day for a entire week Travel Ted bounded eagerly down the stairs whenever he heard the post arrive. At long last his photos were delivered and, after remembering to say “thank you” nicely to the postman, he spent the whole afternoon carefully arranging his holiday memories in a big blue album.

After his very exciting boat ride on Lake Como, Travel Ted developed a prodigious interest in all things nautical. When he was taken to see the Cutty Sark in Greenwich he was utterly astounded to learn that the ship was so enormous that two hundred and twelve Travel Teds laid end to end still wouldn’t quite match the length of this famous tea clipper.

It was a lovely sunny weekend and Travel Ted decided to make a pilgrimage to Canterbury. He visited the cathedral, which was very big and old, and played in its grounds. Best of all, though, was his ride in a rowing boat along the River Stour.

Travel Ted wanted to sunbathe on Margate’s bustling beach but went all shy at the thought of showing his white bits in front of all the pretty ladies. He decided to go the Dreamland amusement arcade instead, where he got to drive a big red bus. That was much, much better than sunbathing!

At Broadstairs' Viking Bay, Travel Ted had fresh fish and chips for lunch. On the beach there was a Punch and Judy show, which was quite exciting although Travel Ted was concerned about the effect the gratuitous violence might have on the children in the audience.

At Ramsgate’s Marina and Royal Harbour, Travel Ted simply couldn’t believe how many boats there were. He tried to count them all but got confused whenever anybody moved one.

As the coach accelerated up the London Road, Travel Ted gazed wistfully back at the spire of Canterbury Cathedral until it disappeared from view. He tried to prolong the holiday experience by reading his new book by Chaucer. Try as he might, he was forced to admit that he didn’t really understand it though.

Travel Ted caught a nasty cold and had to stay at home for a few days. Although he was rather grumpy at first, he perked up considerably when he was told that he’d been invited away for the weekend. Besides, watching all his favourite Boris Karloff films on DVD proved a splendid way to pass the time.

Travel Ted was a-tremble with excitement as he arrived in Norwich to meet his voyager hero, Ivor, for the very first time. He was quite awe-struck by Ivor’s castle domain, which he thought was every bit as impressive as Frankenstein’s. His host made Travel Ted very welcome and in no time at all they were regaling one another with amusing holiday anecdotes like a couple of old friends.